Upon my research into how to raise kind, generous children, three common themes emerge.

1. Do it yourself – Children will watch and copy what you do.
2. Talk about it – Point out when others are generous.
3. Encourage it – Look for opportunities to help your children practice being generous and doing things for others.

Check out these age-appropriate strategies below.

RAISING A GENEROUS PRESCHOOLER (AGES 3 TO 5)

Preschool children are little sponges, and they’re keen observers. Developmentally, preschoolers are ready to understand the concept of sharing and are learning how to do things for themselves: getting dressed, tying their shoes, riding a bike.

Learning autonomy and initiative is key at this developmental stage. Look for ways to help your children practice becoming a cheerful giver on their own.

Model generosity by being kind and generous to those in need. Idea: Keep granola bars in your car or bag to give out to the homeless, or take a meal to a sick neighbour.

Don’t force generosity or giving, which could backfire. Instead, give positive reinforcement when you see your child sharing, giving, or being generous.

Tip: School psychologist Whitney Hutcheson recommends using “I statements” to help children build awareness about how their behaviour impacts others. For example, “When I saw you sharing your favourite toy with your friend, that made me feel happy.” It also works when addressing negative behaviour. “When you hit your sister, that hurt my heart.”

RAISING A GENEROUS SCHOOL-AGE CHILD (AGES 5 TO 11)

Developmentally, school age children need to develop life skills and learn competence at tasks and social interactions.

Whitney recommends helping children learn how to be functional members of a community by taking on age-appropriate chores, like setting the table, putting away their laundry, clearing plates, etc.

Make it their own. Have your children go through their toys and set aside the ones they don’t want to keep. Then either: Sell the toys at a garage sale and give away all or some of the proceeds to a charity, or, have your kids go with you to donate the toys to a charity.

RAISING A GENEROUS TEEN (AGES 12 TO 19)

At this stage, adolescents are developing a sense of identity and often look to parents, friends, teachers, and coaches to help them answer the question, “Who am I?” Encouraging initiative to care for others can help teens develop generosity as part of their identity.

Model good household finances by explaining how you prioritize charitable giving in your monthly/yearly budget.

Continue (or start) encouraging your teen to use the save/spend/give model for managing their money.

If you support charities or missionaries, explain this to your teens, and involve them. Read their newsletters together. Go to fundraiser events together.

Be generous together. Take your teens and some of their friends to serve at a local homeless shelter, do a service project, or even go on a mission trip. Let your teens see you being kind and generous to those in need.

Make it their own. Ask your teen if there is a cause or issue that stirs their heart. Help them come up with ways to do something about it by serving, volunteering, or fundraising.

Active listening is an important “soft skill”, like problem-solving, leadership, and teamwork. It’s a skill that can be acquired and developed — but it takes time and patience to master!

Having active listening skills has many benefits; besides better comprehension in the classroom, active listeners tend to be better communicators and problem solvers. Being an active listener also shows good character, commitment, and is an essential component of being a leader.

Benefits of being an active listener include:
– Fewer misunderstandings
– Faster work rate
– Improved resourcefulness
– More self-reliance
– Improved productivity

ACTIVE LISTENING VS PASSIVE LISTENING

Passive listening is simply hearing what the speaker is saying without really trying to understand it. When students passively listen, they don’t retain information because they are easily distracted.

Active listening requires the listener to understand the point the speaker is trying to communicate, not just hearing the words he or she is saying.

Becoming a better listener is an important skill that students need to actively develop and practice.

How can you help your child improve his or her listening skills?

FIVE STEPS TO ACTIVE LISTENING

Parents and teachers can teach students how to become an active listener by becoming active listeners themselves. Through modelling active listening to your child, he or she is able to see the value and importance of being an active listener. It also gives your child a reference to develop his or her own listening habits.

Improve the active listening skills for yourself and your child by following these 5 tips:

1. MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT

People who maintain eye contact are seen as reliable, warm, sociable, honest, confident, and active. Focusing your eyes also helps improve concentration. This helps you fully understand what the speaker is saying.

2. DON’T INTERRUPT

Let the speaker complete his or her thought before you try to respond. Do not interrupt, finish sentences, or rush him or her. Avoid guessing or assuming where his or her thoughts are going— this can create a negative impact on effective communication.

3. ASK QUESTIONS

One way to show you are listening (and make sure you hear correctly) is to ask specific questions about what is being said. This provides clarification, ensures understanding, and shows that you are listening.

Try asking these four types of questions:

a) Open-ended: expand the discussion further
Example: “How was your day at school today?”

b) Close-ended: prompt for specifics
Example: “Have you finished your homework?”

c) Leading: prompts the respondent to answer in a particular way
Example: “Do you have too much homework?”

d) Reflective: expand and extend thinking
Example: “You mentioned math is your favourite subject in school, tell me more about that.”

4. REPEAT BACK WHAT THE SPEAKER SAYS

Repeat what has been said back to the speaker in your own words. This helps make sure you have understood what he or she is saying. Summarize by repeating the main points of the message. This gives the speaker a chance to correct you, if necessary.

5. LISTEN FOR TOTAL MEANING

Any message has two components: the content of the message and the underlying feeling or attitude. Both parts are important and give the message meaning. Listen for both for content and the underlying emotions. Sometimes the real message is in the emotion rather than the content.

By following these tips, you and your child are developing the skills you both need to be better active listeners. Practicing these steps with your child will continue to help him or her improve his or her listening habits.

ACTIVE LISTENING ACTIVITIES

Showing your child how to be an active listener by example is only the first step. It is also important to practice these skills.

Try these activities to help develop and sharpen your child’s listening skills.

a) Read stories to your child. Ask him or her to predict what will happen next. The prediction requires your child to listen to the details to make a logical guess.

b) Cook with your child. Read the recipe to him or her, having your child listen to and follow each step to complete the recipe correctly.

c) Have conversations about things your child is interested in. This gives your child a chance to engage in a real conversation, practicing both speaking and listening.

d) Play the telephone game. Get together with a group and have one person whisper a sentence to the next person. Each person repeats it to the next until the final person. Have this person say the sentence aloud and see how much the two sentences have changed.

e) Create a list of questions with your child for him or her to ask you or a sibling. After one person has answered, see how many the other can remember. Switch roles and see how well the other person does.

f) Play the “spot the change” game. Read your child a short story. Then read it again, making some changes. Each time your child hears a change have him or her clap or raise his or her hand.

g) Get creative with “follow the directions.” Give short, simple instructions and have your child draw according to the directions they hear.

It takes a lot of concentration and determination to be a better listener. Practicing active listening techniques will help students become better communicators and build listening skills they will use for life.

Let me know in the comments below which activity you will try tonight! 🙂

We often forget that children aren’t born with a built-in sense of respect for others. While each child has a different personality, all children need to be taught to be respectful.
From birth, kids learn to manipulate their world to get their needs met—this is natural.

But it’s our job as parents, coaches and instructors to teach them respectful ways of doing this.

People wonder why kids have gotten so much more disrespectful these days—we see children and teens arguing with adults (or ignoring them outright), using foul language, copping an attitude, and not using manners or respecting those in authority.

Sadly, this has become the norm for many children and teens. In my opinion, it really is a different world right now than the one we grew up in.

Movies, music, video games and television all seem to glorify a disrespectful, angry, rude way of dealing with others.

This means that in some ways we have to work harder to teach our kids to be respectful.

Added to this is the fact that parents are also busier than ever before, which makes it much harder to respond immediately to our kids.

Let’s face it, it’s easier to let things slide when you’re worn out and stressed from working so hard.

Here are 6 things you can do TODAY to start getting respect back from your kids.

1. Catch disrespect early and plan ahead if you can.

It’s good to catch disrespectful behaviour early if possible. If a child is rude or disrespectful, don’t turn a blind eye. Intervene and say, “We don’t talk to each other that way in this family.”

Giving consequences when your kids are younger is going to pay off in the long run. It’s really important as a parent if you see your child being disrespectful to admit it and then try to nip it in the bud.

Also, if your child is about to enter the teen years (or another potentially difficult phase) think about the future. Some parents I speak to are already planning how they will address behaviour as their ADD daughter becomes a teenager. They’re learning skills to prepare for their interactions with her at a later time. This can only help them as they move forward together as a family.

2. Teach your child basic social interaction skills.

It may sound old fashioned, but it’s very important to teach your child basic manners like saying “please” and “thank you.” When your child deals with her teachers in school or gets her first job and has these skills to fall back on, it will really go a long way. Understand that using manners—just a simple “excuse me” or “thank you”—is also a form of empathy.

It teaches your kids to respect others and acknowledge their impact on other people. When you think about it, disrespectful behavior is the opposite, negative side of being empathetic and having good manners.

3. Be respectful when you correct your child.

When your child is being disrespectful, we as parents, coaches and instructors need to correct them in a respectful manner. Yelling and getting upset and having your own attitude in response to theirs is not helpful and often only escalates behavior.

The truth is, if you allow their disrespectful behavior to affect you, it’s difficult to be an effective teacher in that moment. You can pull your child aside and give them a clear message, for example. You don’t need to shout at them or embarrass them.

4. Clarify the limits when things are calm.

When you’re in a situation where your child is disrespectful, that’s not the ideal time to do a lot of talking about limits or consequences. At a later time you can talk with your child about his behavior and what your expectations are.

5. Talk about what happened afterward.

If your child is disrespectful or rude, talk about what happened and how it could have been dealt with differently. That’s a chance for you to listen to your child and hear what was going on with her when that behavior happened.
Try to stay objective. You can say, “Pretend a video camera recorded the whole thing. What would I see?” This is also a perfect time to have your child describe what she could have done differently.

6. Get in alignment with your partner.

It’s so important for you and your partner, and anyone else who have a major influence on the kids’ lives, to be on the same page when it comes to your child’s behavior.
Make sure one of you isn’t allowing the disrespectful behavior while the other is trying to intercede. Sit down together and talk about what your bottom lines are, and then come up with a plan of action—and a list of consequences you might give—if your child breaks the rules.

Understand that if you haven’t been able to intervene early with your kids, you can start at any time. Even if your child is constantly exhibiting disrespectful behavior, you can begin stepping in and setting those clear limits. And kids really do want limits, even if they protest loudly—and they will.

The message that they get when you step in and set limits is that they’re cared about, they’re loved and that you really want them to be successful and able to function well in the world.

Our kids won’t thank us now, but that’s okay—it’s not about getting them to thank us, it’s about doing the right thing.

All parents share that sense of frustration when their child doesn’t try hard enough to accomplish something they know he’s perfectly capable of. What can you do?

One way to foster a can-do attitude is to help your child learn to set goals and meet them, one small step at a time.

Experts say that ages 10-12 is an ideal time to introduce your child to the concept of establishing targets and working toward them.

Try these strategies to teach your child the power of goal-setting so they’ll eventually learn how to work to achieve their best.

1. Get the Idea Across

Start the process by looking for ways that your child already uses goal-setting techniques. If you notice that your son has managed to save up his money to buy a video game, for example, discuss the steps he needed to take to get what he wanted.

Talk to him about how good it feels to accomplish something that you’ve worked toward. Then, discuss how these same techniques can be used to meet other challenges.

2. Start Small

Help your child think of a fun goal she could achieve within a short time. Maybe she could finish a book she started or complete a craft project. “Little goals are the best way to get kids moving toward big goals,” says Jim Wiltens, a leadership-training instructor in the San Francisco-area schools. “Meeting a goal gives kids an incredible surge of energy.”

3. Let Them Choose

As much as you might want your child to make the honor roll, it’s best to let your kid decide what she wants to achieve. Then you can help her make a plan.

Obviously, some goals require more input from you. If learning to figure skate is your kid’s dream, you’re going to have to help her set and achieve her targets. If parents find they’re nagging or getting angry that their child isn’t working hard enough to meet a goal, that’s a signal they need to back off.

4. Be Alert to Possibilities

If your child says, “I wish I could win a prize in the science fair this year,” use it as an opportunity to assist him in creating a plan. “Help him write down specific action steps and a timetable for accomplishing each of them,” says John Bishop, author of Goal Setting for Students. Then check in with him from time to time to help keep him focused on his targets.

5. Show Them How

“Adults have a much greater sense of what it takes to accomplish goals,” says Virginia Shiller, PhD, author of Rewards for Kids! Ready-to-Use Charts & Activities for Positive Parenting. So include your child in your own goal-setting to show her how the process works.

Say you want to create a garden. Get your child involved in everything from researching plants to turning the dirt. “Adults know how to break a goal down into steps, and that’s something kids need to learn,” Dr. Shiller says.

6. Provide a Reality Check

Children often underestimate how hard it can be to meet a goal, and then they get frustrated and discouraged when they fall short. If your child decides he wants to play the guitar, for instance, be encouraging but realistic.

Point out the challenges and the dedication it will require. The idea isn’t to make the goal seem too daunting, but rather to share in the seriousness of the undertaking by helping plan it out.

7. Applaud Effort

As your child begins to set goals and work toward them, don’t forget the compliments. Say something like, “I’m really impressed, when you care about something you really go after it!”

(This is a long post, but it’s worth it 🙂 )

A Harvard study, ran by the Making Caring Common project, found that about 80 percent of the youth in the study said their parents were more concerned with their achievement or happiness than whether they cared for others. The kids were also three times more likely to agree that “My parents are prouder if I get good grades in my classes than if I’m a caring community member in class and school.”

We need to raise children to become caring, respectful and responsible adults. Children are not born simply good or bad. They need adults who will help them become caring, respectful, and responsible for their communities at every stage of their childhood.

Here are 5 strategies to raise moral, caring children:

1. MAKE CARING FOR OTHERS A PRIORITY

Parents tend to prioritize their children’s happiness and achievements over their children’s concern for others. But children need to learn to balance their needs with the needs of others, whether it’s passing the ball to a teammate or deciding to stand up for friend who is being bullied.

Children need to hear from parents that caring for others is a top priority. A big part of that is holding children to high ethical expectations, such as honoring their commitments, even if it makes them unhappy. For example, before kids quit a sports team, band, or a friendship, we should ask them to consider their obligations to the group or the friend and encourage them to work out problems before quitting.

TRY THIS:
a) Instead of saying to your kids: “The most important thing is that you’re happy,” say “The most important thing is that you’re kind.”

b) Make sure that your older children always address others respectfully, even when they’re tired, distracted, or angry.

c) Emphasize caring when you interact with other key adults in your children’s lives. For example, ask teachers whether your children are good community members at school.

2. PROVIDE OPPORTUNITIES FOR CHILDREN TO PRACTICE CARING AND GRATITUDE

It’s never too late to become a good person, but it won’t happen on its own. Children need to practice caring for others and expressing gratitude for those who care for them and contribute to others’ lives. Studies show that people who are in the habit of expressing gratitude are more likely to be helpful, generous, compassionate, and forgiving—and they’re also more likely to be happy and healthy.

Learning to be caring is like learning to play a sport or an instrument. Daily repetition—whether it’s a helping a friend with homework, pitching in around the house, or having a classroom job—make caring second nature and develop and hone youth’s caregiving capacities. Learning gratitude similarly involves regularly practicing it.

TRY THIS:
• Don’t reward your child for every act of helpfulness, such as clearing the dinner table. We should expect our kids to help around the house, with siblings, and with neighbors and only reward uncommon acts of kindness.

• Talk to your child about caring and uncaring acts they see on television and about acts of justice and injustice they might witness or hear about in the news.

• Make gratitude a daily ritual at dinnertime, bedtime, in the car, or on the subway. Express thanks for those who contribute to us and others in large and small ways.

3. EXPAND YOUR CHILD’S CIRCLE OF CONCERN.

Almost all children care about a small circle of their families and friends. Our challenge is help our children learn to care about someone outside that circle, such as the new kid in class, someone who doesn’t speak their language, the school custodian, or someone who lives in a distant country.
Children need to learn to zoom in, by listening closely and attending to those in their immediate circle, and to zoom out, by taking in the big picture and considering the many perspectives of the people they interact with daily, including those who are vulnerable.

They also need to consider how their decisions, such as quitting a sports team or a band, can ripple out and harm various members of their communities. Especially in our more global world, children need to develop concern for people who live in very different cultures and communities than their own.

TRY THIS:
• Make sure your children are friendly and grateful with all the people in their daily lives, such as a bus driver or a waitress.

• Encourage children to care for those who are vulnerable. Give children some simple ideas for stepping into the “caring and courage zone,” like comforting a classmate who was teased.

• Use a newspaper or TV story to encourage your child to think about hardships faced by children in another country.

4. BE A STRONG MORAL ROLE MODEL AND MENTOR.

Children learn ethical values by watching the actions of adults they respect. They also learn values by thinking through ethical dilemmas with adults, e.g. “Should I invite a new neighbor to my birthday party when my best friend doesn’t like her?”

Being a moral role model and mentor means that we need to practice honesty, fairness, and caring ourselves. But it doesn’t mean being perfect all the time. For our children to respect and trust us, we need to acknowledge our mistakes and flaws. We also need to respect children’s thinking and listen to their perspectives, demonstrating to them how we want them to engage others.

TRY THIS:
• Model caring for others by doing community service at least once a month. Even better, do this service with your child.

• Give your child an ethical dilemma at dinner or ask your child about dilemmas they’ve faced.

5. GUIDE CHILDREN IN MANAGING DESTRUCTIVE FEELINGS

Often the ability to care for others is overwhelmed by anger, shame, envy, or other negative feelings.

We need to teach children that all feelings are okay, but some ways of dealing with them are not helpful. Children need our help learning to cope with these feelings in productive ways.

TRY THIS:
Here’s a simple way to teach your kids to calm down: ask your child to stop, take a deep breath through the nose and exhale through the mouth, and count to five.

Practice when your child is calm.

Then, when you see him/her getting upset, remind him/her about the steps and do them with him/her. After a while he/she’ll start to do it on his/her own so that he/she can express his/her feelings in a helpful and appropriate way.