(This is a long post, but it’s worth it 🙂 )

A Harvard study, ran by the Making Caring Common project, found that about 80 percent of the youth in the study said their parents were more concerned with their achievement or happiness than whether they cared for others. The kids were also three times more likely to agree that “My parents are prouder if I get good grades in my classes than if I’m a caring community member in class and school.”

We need to raise children to become caring, respectful and responsible adults. Children are not born simply good or bad. They need adults who will help them become caring, respectful, and responsible for their communities at every stage of their childhood.

Here are 5 strategies to raise moral, caring children:

1. MAKE CARING FOR OTHERS A PRIORITY

Parents tend to prioritize their children’s happiness and achievements over their children’s concern for others. But children need to learn to balance their needs with the needs of others, whether it’s passing the ball to a teammate or deciding to stand up for friend who is being bullied.

Children need to hear from parents that caring for others is a top priority. A big part of that is holding children to high ethical expectations, such as honoring their commitments, even if it makes them unhappy. For example, before kids quit a sports team, band, or a friendship, we should ask them to consider their obligations to the group or the friend and encourage them to work out problems before quitting.

TRY THIS:
a) Instead of saying to your kids: “The most important thing is that you’re happy,” say “The most important thing is that you’re kind.”

b) Make sure that your older children always address others respectfully, even when they’re tired, distracted, or angry.

c) Emphasize caring when you interact with other key adults in your children’s lives. For example, ask teachers whether your children are good community members at school.

2. PROVIDE OPPORTUNITIES FOR CHILDREN TO PRACTICE CARING AND GRATITUDE

It’s never too late to become a good person, but it won’t happen on its own. Children need to practice caring for others and expressing gratitude for those who care for them and contribute to others’ lives. Studies show that people who are in the habit of expressing gratitude are more likely to be helpful, generous, compassionate, and forgiving—and they’re also more likely to be happy and healthy.

Learning to be caring is like learning to play a sport or an instrument. Daily repetition—whether it’s a helping a friend with homework, pitching in around the house, or having a classroom job—make caring second nature and develop and hone youth’s caregiving capacities. Learning gratitude similarly involves regularly practicing it.

TRY THIS:
• Don’t reward your child for every act of helpfulness, such as clearing the dinner table. We should expect our kids to help around the house, with siblings, and with neighbors and only reward uncommon acts of kindness.

• Talk to your child about caring and uncaring acts they see on television and about acts of justice and injustice they might witness or hear about in the news.

• Make gratitude a daily ritual at dinnertime, bedtime, in the car, or on the subway. Express thanks for those who contribute to us and others in large and small ways.

3. EXPAND YOUR CHILD’S CIRCLE OF CONCERN.

Almost all children care about a small circle of their families and friends. Our challenge is help our children learn to care about someone outside that circle, such as the new kid in class, someone who doesn’t speak their language, the school custodian, or someone who lives in a distant country.
Children need to learn to zoom in, by listening closely and attending to those in their immediate circle, and to zoom out, by taking in the big picture and considering the many perspectives of the people they interact with daily, including those who are vulnerable.

They also need to consider how their decisions, such as quitting a sports team or a band, can ripple out and harm various members of their communities. Especially in our more global world, children need to develop concern for people who live in very different cultures and communities than their own.

TRY THIS:
• Make sure your children are friendly and grateful with all the people in their daily lives, such as a bus driver or a waitress.

• Encourage children to care for those who are vulnerable. Give children some simple ideas for stepping into the “caring and courage zone,” like comforting a classmate who was teased.

• Use a newspaper or TV story to encourage your child to think about hardships faced by children in another country.

4. BE A STRONG MORAL ROLE MODEL AND MENTOR.

Children learn ethical values by watching the actions of adults they respect. They also learn values by thinking through ethical dilemmas with adults, e.g. “Should I invite a new neighbor to my birthday party when my best friend doesn’t like her?”

Being a moral role model and mentor means that we need to practice honesty, fairness, and caring ourselves. But it doesn’t mean being perfect all the time. For our children to respect and trust us, we need to acknowledge our mistakes and flaws. We also need to respect children’s thinking and listen to their perspectives, demonstrating to them how we want them to engage others.

TRY THIS:
• Model caring for others by doing community service at least once a month. Even better, do this service with your child.

• Give your child an ethical dilemma at dinner or ask your child about dilemmas they’ve faced.

5. GUIDE CHILDREN IN MANAGING DESTRUCTIVE FEELINGS

Often the ability to care for others is overwhelmed by anger, shame, envy, or other negative feelings.

We need to teach children that all feelings are okay, but some ways of dealing with them are not helpful. Children need our help learning to cope with these feelings in productive ways.

TRY THIS:
Here’s a simple way to teach your kids to calm down: ask your child to stop, take a deep breath through the nose and exhale through the mouth, and count to five.

Practice when your child is calm.

Then, when you see him/her getting upset, remind him/her about the steps and do them with him/her. After a while he/she’ll start to do it on his/her own so that he/she can express his/her feelings in a helpful and appropriate way.

Here are 9 things you should say to your kids every day 🙂

1. “I love you”. Say it to them as often as you like

2. “I like it when you.” Talk about positive aspects of their behaviour

3. “You make me happy.” This makes them feel valuable

4. “I’m proud of you.” They need to hear they’re doing a good job, even when it’s hard

5. “You are special.” Let them know their uniqueness is a strength.

6. “I trust you.” Building a foundation of trust raises an honest person.

7. “I believe you.” Teach them how valuable they are.

8. “I know you can do this.” Encourage them to never give up.

9. “I am grateful for you.” Be specific, this can make their day!

Which one is your favourite? Comment below!

Bravery is a tough concept these days. It seems we are also being told to be extra sensitive and aware, but rarely are we really encouraged, let alone taught, to be brave.
Courage definitely has its place though, and it is our job to help our kids develop a healthy sense of it.
Here are a few suggestions to help foster bravery in your kids:

1. Teach Them that it is Okay to be Wrong. 

So much of our fear comes from within. We don’t want to fail, look dumb, or get hurt. We need to raise our kids to be confident, and to know that giving a wrong answer or singing a wrong note will not change their worth. Show them the courage in perseverance as well as in failing until you succeed. The result is an intrinsic reward for being brave!

2. Make it Safe for Them to be Afraid. 

We can’t be brave without accepting and acknowledging fear. Kind of like good and evil…bravery does not exist without fear. Our kids need to know it is okay, and even healthy, to feel afraid. There is a healthy balance between fear that is protective versus restrictive. When they are afraid, they need to know they can come to us. Sometimes to feel safe, and sometimes just to feel afraid.

3. Back Them Up – Support them. 

When they do come to us, it is our job to give them the support, knowledge, and encouragement. Eventually, they’ll be able to “hear” us, even when we’re not with them.

4. Be Their Excuse (when needed). 

One of the biggest fears our kids deal with as they get older is not being accepted by their peers. In these situations, bravery isn’t always facing a situation. Sometimes bravery is getting out of one! Let them know that if they need an “out” it is okay to use you as an excuse. For instance, they can say “my mum would kill me if…” or pretend to get a text from you that they are in trouble and need to get home. Once they see that their friends still accept them, they will begin to learn to speak up for themselves.

5. Share a Sense of Adventure. 

Help them experience new things. Go on adventures and show them how to overcome the unexpected. The more they experience with you, the more they will be ready to experience without you. Take them hiking and boating, go different places and even just through different neighbourhoods. Read about new experiences, and try some of them. Show them the unfamiliar. If there are things that make you nervous, talk about it, and get through it together. Give them places to be brave!

6. Let Them Get Hurt

This one’s tough. Of course don’t put them in danger. The truth is, kids need to know they can get hurt and survive. In this world of trying to protect everyone from everything, it is essential for kids to know it is okay to fall or fail. They will survive it. Kids have to learn what they can handle and discover their own limits.

7. Love Them. 

Give them places where they don’t need to be brave, ever. Love them 100%. Show love 100%, and you will be amazed how easy it is for them to venture out.

In this tough world where we constantly try to protect our children, it is essential that we give them opportunities to be strong, and teach them courage. Bravery is a necessity in the world we live in. It is our job to help instill it in our kids.

I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences on the subject!

As a parent, your biggest enemy by far is negative peer pressure. Notice the word “negative.” There is such a thing as positive peer pressure – when good friends talk your child out of doing something stupid. But, negative peer pressure can destroy everything you’ve worked so hard for.

Teach your kids the 10 ways to stand up to peer pressure:

1. Eyes Like A Hawk
Constantly observe the habits and behavior of your child. Know him better than he knows himself. Abrupt changes in dress or attitude could signal trouble. Pay attention if he starts dressing differently. Possibly he will use more disrespectful language or a negative attitude. Newly-formed friendships can be at the root of the change. Children, of course, go through phases. No need to overreact at every turn. However, always have hawk-like eyes and be on top of trouble the minute it shows up.

2. Meet The Crew
Your daughter’s friends are important to her. So they should be important to you as well. That means taking a vested interest. Make her friends feel welcome in your home. Talk to them when possible. Feeding them is a good way to make that happen. Everybody talks when meals or snacks are served. Offer to drive them where they want to go. The car is another good place to start conversations. The more they talk, the more you learn.

3. Meet The Parents
Following that same theory, make an effort to know the parents of your child’s friends as well. Throw a backyard party. Invite all the children and parents as well. Do they share your same values, beliefs, and convictions? Establish an open communication. If problems arise, you will then feel more comfortable bringing it up.

4. Sleep Overs
All kids enjoy sleepovers. Generally, they have a whole lot of fun. Awesome. What else is going on? If your daughter is sleeping over at her bff’s house, how much do you really know? Are they watching movies you would not approve of? Talking about things that are new and beyond her young ears? Before allowing a sleepover, make sure you know the child and her parents. Peer pressure thrives in this environment.

5. Be The Parent
You are not his friend. You are his parent. There is a major difference. When parents strive to be their child’s friend they give up their authority and influence. [Tweet This] Of course, you want a fun and loving relationship. As long as it does not impede on your ability to have the final say. Many great parents have heard the words “I hate you” as the child storms up the staircase. It’s hurtful and hard to take. However the reply is always, “You will thank me later.”

6. Family Virtues
“If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” Your family should have a set of standards that all are expected to live up to. Choose 5 -10 virtues that you consider vital. Instruct your children in them and be sure to lead by example. Make it a matter of family pride. “It doesn’t matter how the family down the street does it, this is how we do it.”

7. Opportunities To Teach
Our world today provides more than enough chances to point out good and bad behavior. We have televisions, high speed internet, and mobile phones. We are never without instant access to any type of news, sports, or entertainment. That is a whole lot of influence on everyone in the family. If you are watching a show with your son that portrays a desirable quality, point it out. If you are listening to a song with your daughter that has lyrics glorifying loose behavior, point it out. Counteract the bad influence with discussion and other options.

8. The Big Picture
People have a tendency to believe their own behavior does not affect others. We feel small in a giant world. Completely untrue. Try teaching your children to see the bigger picture. Pose questions to them such as, “What if everyone shoplifted like your classmate Dave?” “What if everybody cheated on their tests?” “How would these things affect society?” Give your kids the ability to understand how they affect the world and not just themselves. It builds wisdom and strong character.

9. Concern For Others
Children certainly can be and will be cruel. Teach empathy to your child; a concern for the feelings and well-being of others. A child who has these qualities is much less likely to follow the pack at any cost. They will understand the damage being done and stand against it. Society needs leaders who bring out the good in others and stand for justice. This starts by teaching empathy.

10. Unique Purpose
Most children who fall victim to destructive peer pressure have lower self-esteem. It’s normal to feel lost as a teenager. A group that shows acceptance and understanding is attractive. Gangs recruit young souls based solely on this knowledge. Do not let this be your child. We are all created with a unique purpose. Every single person has much to offer this world. Help your child know how much they are loved and their true identity. A child with self-confidence and moral strength is difficult to corrupt when guided with love and care.

Let us know which tip helps you the most! Leave your comments below 

It goes without saying that parents want to protect their children from harm, and see them develop into healthy, happy adults. It is therefore very distressing to witness the affect that bullying can have on a child.

The most important thing to remember is that with firm, immediate action, kids can be supported through a bullying situation. While individual experiences will influence the way your child is affected, in general, there are some universal steps all parents should take to support their child through bullying.

#1. Have an open conversation

If you suspect that your child is being bullied, or they have already told you of an incident, the first thing to do is have an open conversation. Try and follow these guidelines:

a) Speak in private:
Find a quiet time when you won’t be disturbed to discuss the different types of bullying (verbal, physical, emotional, cyber). Ask if they have ever experienced or witnessed any of the examples and encourage them to share details of any events with you.

b) Be patient, calm and understanding:
Do not make assumptions or interrupt. Put your feelings aside and really listen to what your child is telling you.

c) Reassure them:
Make it clear that the bullying is not their fault and praise them for being brave enough to confide in you. Assure them that now you know what is happening, together you will sort it out.

d) Give support and trust:
Explain to your child that it might be necessary to talk to the school, but promise not to take action without discussing it with them first. Openly explore the options together, and come to an agreed course of action.

#2. Teach them how to cope

Children that bully others often ‘test’ potential targets to see how they respond, and while the target is never to blame, those who appear vulnerable usually continue to be bullied. It is for this reason that alongside reporting to the school, teaching your child how to be assertive can be an effective way to help them.

We will be covering strategies in classes to help kids stand up to bullying assertively.

#3. Behaviours to avoid

It can be very overwhelming when you discover your child is facing a bullying situation. In order to respond effectively and give your child the support they need, it is important that you put aside any anger or assumptions. Please bear in mind the following:

a) Do not act aggressively:
Storming into the school or confronting the child or children involved/ or their parents and carers will be the reaction your child has been dreading, and may make the bullying situation worse.

b) Do not dismiss their experience:
Telling a child to ignore the bullies or dismissing the experience as just ‘a part of growing up’ will not stop the bullying. These messages teach them that bullying should be tolerated rather than confronted. The effects of bullying can be devastating, so it is imperative you give your child the appropriate help.

c) Do not promote retaliation:
Instructing a child to fight back can place your child in further danger, or result in the school labelling them as the problem. Refer to our advice above for positive ways your child can deal with bullying behaviour.